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29 August 2010 @ 03:24 am
lol life post  
Yeah, this is one of those quarter-life crisis posts that consist of me flailing and screaming WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE, I'M A TERRIBLE WASTE OF SPACE, but I need to get it out and irl people are too busy to talk. It must come out, or I will die of massive ulcer failure. That's a real condition, btw.

Okay. Three things:

1) I am still sitting around in Craphole, Arizona, doing the same job AT WALMART that I was doing two years ago (I recently got passed over for a promotion they ASKED ME TO APPLY FOR LOL WHY?)

2) I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. No really.

3) Guilt for having such a useless, expensive life/education is EATING UP MY STOMACH and I think making me way too co-dependent on my boyfriend. Either that or I'm a stupid clueless doormat for him, I have yet to figure out which and I'm trying not to think about it because I will talk myself out of any conclusion I may come to and it only inspires more anxiety.


Actually, to be fair, I have thought it out and come to this conclusion: I have abso-fuckin-lutely no idea what I want to do with my life, but I would not hate myself if I ended up working in a book store til I'm 60. No joke. At least it's not Wal-Mart Wal*Mart.

I have the vague sense that maybe I want to write? Or read professionally, AWW YEAH. But I have no idea if one can even do the latter, or if I have the drive for the former. What I should be doing is using my Web Design degree, but I have so little desire to web design anything, it's not even funny. That was clearly an insane phase that has run its course, and that I wasted a shit ton of money on. I feel like I should try and do something book and design related, so I get some use out of it, but I really don't feel like I'm good, or more importantly, creative enough to design covers/websites/etc.

IDK. I know I'm not getting anywhere by staying here and slaving away for THE CORPORATE CONSPIRACY. What I need to do is get out of here and experience shit, I know. There are two issues with that:

a) lol MONEY

b) I R LONELY

Seriously, I can get the money together eventually, but if I leave, and go out in the world, I'll be alone. Friendless. I might have been down with that before I moved here, but since then I've gotten used to this human companionship shit. I dunno how I'd handle being alone, and I'm shitty at making friends, as evidenced by the fact that I've been here two years and my social circle consists entirely of my family. Part of me wants to go out and do that crazy adventurous shit like throw a dart on a map and ust go there, but most of me wants someone else to go, too.

Clearly I fail at that whole enjoying-my-own-company thing. Or deciding ANYTHING. UGH.


I should ust suck it up and do it anyway. I should. Really. Blah.

*falls over dead*


WHY ARE YOU SO HARD, LIFE?
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Jade is Awesomemiserychick2602 on August 29th, 2010 08:22 am (UTC)
My thoughts - save the money, do a working holiday overseas. You'll meet people. Come home, possibly in another state if you dislike Arizona, get a business loan, open a second hand books store. Reading all day, covered. With an online selling side - you'll be able to use your degree then.

As you said - suck it up. Nothing stopping you.
Jordyendless_run on August 30th, 2010 08:00 am (UTC)
x3 you always catch my emo posts, lol. I'm not sure I'm up for overseas, but I'm ust about set on the working-somewhere-not-here idea, even if it's only for a little while.

You'd think owning a book store would be the obvious career choice, but I'm honestly not sure I could handle the business side/ My bf wants to open his own (not book)shop and he seems to think it's pretty simple, but I'm like @.@ don't you like...have to pay taxes and keep records and stuff? /dies Plus, I heartell bookstore's are becoming 'obsolete'. I know at the very least it'd be hard to keep one afloat and compete with chains.

On the flip side, I think I might be okay managing one some day :0 WHO KNOWS?

I know, I know, I need to suck it up. I'm working on this.

Thanks for your advice :3 I WILL TOTALLY TRY AND LISTEN THIS TIME.
Jade is Awesomemiserychick2602 on August 30th, 2010 11:27 am (UTC)
Bookstores that deal only in 'new' books can't really compete with the major chains, true. My BF is a book rep and has mentioned that this is very common now. However, it's the secondhand book stores that tend to thrive, usually courtesy of middle age women who enjoy Mills & Boon ^_^
Jordyendless_run on August 30th, 2010 06:36 pm (UTC)
XDD Imma have to investigate this, seriously, that would be dreamy. I could live above it or something and go to sleep surrounded by books... *o*
Pam: Ceres  ♦ for the color of passionsyaokura on August 29th, 2010 05:35 pm (UTC)
I know what you mean about not knowing what to do with life, I can relate.

For your other points, maybe you could practice on designing book covers? With practice, you can gain some experience!
Jordyendless_run on August 30th, 2010 08:01 am (UTC)
lol ikr? Did not think it would be this hard. :>

I should, I should. Maybe pick one or two to do ust for fun :3
Aya: 「佐野泉」 ♥ with all my heartxemaya on August 29th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
I would try to find a book store job in your area, if that's possible. It certainly seems like you'd like it a lot better and that way you wouldn't have to move just yet (which you'd need money for anyway). Once you have enough I do recommend leaving though. If you don't like where you live then why force yourself to stay? It may be hard adjusting to a new place at first but I think you'd be able to easily make new friends at a job someplace other than WalMart. :) /my two cents

*hugs!*
Jordyendless_run on August 30th, 2010 08:04 am (UTC)
Dude, this is the source of my pain: our only bookstore for 90 MILES SRSLY is a second-hand place that only the owner runs :( I think next time I go I might offer to help out or something part time, maybe get some inside info on the book-selling business.

x3 true. I-I should try, huh? I'm bad about talking myself out of stuff, like 'there's no point, it won't work out', so thanks for your optimism. Seriously<333 *glompfest*
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