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19 November 2010 @ 02:31 am
Pathetic Confession Time!  
Heeeeey Live journal, long time no see. Twitter has swept me away, what with it not requiring me to formulate thoughts into coherent paragraphs and all. Ah, the wonders of micro-blogging.

Anyway, posting because I realized something tonight. I am frantically, randomly chasing something extraordinary. I say that because my cousin and I have been dabbling in Wicca, something I don't believe in in the least, but am compelled to plow forward with because it's the closest thing to "magic" I can find. I'm willing to run headlong into anything that offers the possibility of the supernatural - urban exploration, ghost walks, Ouija boards, seances, Wicca - even though I'm completely skeptical about all of it. I don't believe in magic, in ghosts, in God, in a universal truth or order or power. But the thought that there isn't something more - that I'll never catch a glimpse of something odd, let alone find that great mysterious adventure I've read about my whole life - is really...disheartening.

Anyway, I feel bad. My cousin is into the Wicca, and our third - a step-cousin - is also into it, and I'm the one sitting there trying not to laugh, because I'm getting nothing from this, don't believe in this, but can't bow out, because what if?

It's not like this keeps me up at night. I'm not tearing at my hair over it, but sometimes it's hard to ignore...like when your circle-mates are content interpreting the rustling of leaves as the presence of a ghost, or the tingling of cold fingers and toes as the signs of a universal power being channeled through them, and are really...getting something extraordinary, something more, out of this. ...Aaaand you're sitting there with a numb butt trying not to ruin it for them, waiting for a ghost to pull on your hair, or rain to fall from the sky, or some kind of quantifiable proof of something that isn't there.

Anyway, anyone else ever get that feeling? Utter frustration at the complete and total lack of, I dunno, magic or shinigami or shape-shifters or talking spider-tanks or giant robots out there?

Or more likely I need to stop reading so many goddamn paranormal books and manga.
Shiori: dracula loves sluts [art by beatonna]missdeep on November 19th, 2010 07:54 am (UTC)
I dabbled in a lot of things when I was young and trying to find what worked for me religion-wise. This period of experimentation included things like tarot cards and spell casting. It wasn't so much that I was missing something or needing something, it was more that people expected me to need something spiritual in my life.

In the end I confined my interest in the supernatural to stories and plunged forward with my atheism. No regrets there. Everyone's experience and decisions are different, of course. I don't feel empty or lacking without the idea of magic in my life because the universe is such an amazing place regardless. But you need to find what works for you and gives you fulfillment.
Jordyendless_run on November 20th, 2010 03:39 am (UTC)
Hm. I did the same thing, back when I was younger and ust finding out about other religions - but even back then, it wasn't as much about spirituality (even I can see spell casting = fancy praying), but wanting something cool to happen. Spiritually, I'm fine. I don't need a religion, and I'm happy being on the maybe side of atheist. I guess the ordinary-ness of life gets to me sometimes, and I wanna try and pretend there's something fantastical out there. But it's a two-way buzzkill when you're doing something for different reasons from the rest of the group, lol.

Haha, yeah, I kind of resigned myself to that when I got home - like, "Fuck, well I guess I'd better ust start writing again, because clearly this spell-casting shit is not working out." And it's a better antidote than it seems, lol.

XD I know, I should start appreciating the amazing world stuff. I...do, some of the time, when I see some cool biology doc or theoretical science article or quantum physics show on Discovery (or what have you). Those reignite the "ooh" factor in reality. lol, ust get distracted sometimes, I guess.

On that note, you're the science girl, right? Got any good documentary recs?
Shiori: omg! heart!missdeep on November 20th, 2010 09:46 am (UTC)
I can definitely relate to wanting something out of the ordinary. I think that's part of the reason why I only really enjoy "impossible" fiction - the paranormal, the zany futuristic. I want what I can't have from reality. In saying that though, I don't think we need to lose our sense of wonder just because we can't go to Hogwarts. If you channeled yours into a story I'm positive it would lead to amazing results.

I'm more of a science fangirl than anything else. Documentary-wise I'd suggest something like Life because it's visually mind-blowing as well as intellectually stimulating. What about podcasts? Radiolab is fantastic and very listenable. I'd recommend episodes like "Words" and "Wild Talk" though they're all pretty good. The show tends to talk about really incredible things but they're also accessible. I love it when they talk about animals doing really odd stuff.

I'll try to think through some of the documentaries I've watched this year and see if I can come up with any other recs. I suppose in the meantime you can get your fix of the fantastic on NetGalley lol!

Edited at 2010-11-20 09:46 am (UTC)
Jordyendless_run on November 21st, 2010 07:52 am (UTC)
This is true. I see what you mean, it's ust easy to get bogged down by the banality of day-to-day life. But that's what the docs and podcasts are for - thanks for the recs. I checked out Radiolab's site - they look like they have some good stuff, I can't wait to veg out and listen to one. And I've seen a couple of episodes of Life, that was really good.

I appreciate the compliment :3 I really need to buckled down and get back into writing. It really works wonders for...ruts. And thanks, if you think of anything else, let me know.

lol oh netGalley. I think Carina Press may actually be the death of me x.x
Shiori: i melt like a witch and screammissdeep on November 21st, 2010 08:39 am (UTC)
I hope you enjoy Radiolab, it's a nice afternoon listen. Someone I know posted a list of podcast recs so I might look over that too and see what I come up with.

I can guarantee anything you write will crap on anything published by Carina Press! I mean, they're just digital Harlequin (which explains a lot of their content) but ugh, I've given up trying to review their freebies at NetGalley. They tend to piss me off or just read as though someone wrote them while high. Sad thing is, a lot of the crappier-looking digital romance houses publish better quality stories that will never get the push these Carina Press titles get ugh. Carina can afford to give their eBooks nice covers and stronger editors, while the smaller houses have decent stories that are hindered by lax editing and hideous covers.

Jordy: not amusedendless_run on November 21st, 2010 09:29 am (UTC)
That might be my evening tomorrow - I need to recopy some notes, and such tedium could always be livened up by an interesting podcast.

Seriously, I thought maybe it was ust the titles in my genre that were shitty, but the last two I read stepped away from that and even those were...blegh. It IS the goddamn covers, man, they distract me with their prettiness, and I forget that the last twenty I read were pretty shitty. I swear to god, there's like some romance story generator out there, and these authors ust enter in names and random traits and settings and it spits out a 75 fucking page story.

Shiori: and we will learnmissdeep on November 21st, 2010 09:43 am (UTC)
Hope tomorrow night works out well. :)

They're all so generic! Like, there's genre staples and then there's unoriginal dreck. I've only read two decent stories from Carina Press and they were both just alien porn. Nicely composed, but still, alien porn. I've tried to read outside my usual sub-genres but ugh, even their contemporary stuff is crap. At least that kind of confirms that it isn't just the paranormals?
Jordyendless_run on November 21st, 2010 09:52 am (UTC)
Thanks :D

Seriously, none of them have managed to churn out any memorable characters or stories, world development nearly always takes a back seat to the romance, and then those are like a race to the sex scenes. I think the best I've read is that damn Dark and Disorderly, and that had Douchebag Thresher in it, so, you know, great ob there, Carina.

I haven't wandered into the alien porn yet, but at least they can do something right? xD

Yeah, I dunno, clearly they will publish anything. As long as it eventually involves sex, marriage, and babies. Ugh.
Shiori: my medium-sized american heartmissdeep on November 21st, 2010 10:01 am (UTC)
Yeah, it's all same-old, same-old. The one that actually stood out to me was "In Enemy Hands" because the guy in that wasn't exactly Alpha and the sci-fi was real sci-fi, not just a couple of buzz words stolen from Firefly episodes. Everything else has been, as you said, a race to fuck. Carina doesn't actually have a stipulation about sex scenes but it's as if each author wants to outdo the last without or something. Like damn, if I want a straight-up fuck-fest I'd have gone to an eBook erotica specialist.

That's the genre as a whole though, to a certain extent. Very, very few books subvert the marriage-babies thing. Even if a character doesn't end up married and pregnant, they clearly still intend to marry and breed with the big Alpha hero. If she's barren, that'll get magic'd away or they'll adopt some adorable orphan. It's so trite and offensive, I want a heroine who says she doesn't want marriage/kids and actually follows this through. She might stay committed to the hero but having that white picket fence doesn't suddenly trump everything she's ever stood for.

tl;dr ARGH.
Jordyendless_run on November 21st, 2010 07:49 pm (UTC)
Ah, see, that's the problem I had with Like Clockwork - it wasn't real steampunk, it was ooh, automatons and zeplins and okay whatever, let's talk about looooove. I really do think you have a point about the authors trying to outdo each other - it's like they sit around thinking "hmmm, no one on Carina press has done a steampunk romance yet, I should write that", and then they take out their generic, romance draft, scribble in "robots" and boom, done.

Yeah, really. I'm sure the erotica would be way better, too >>;

Ugh, I hate that. And yeah, you get the ones who say they don't want kids, but give 'em the right man,and they figure a way to get over their hangup (as you said, even if it requires magic, or, I dunno, VAMPIRES BREEDING *headdesk*). It's like, Christ, really, that isn't *everyone*.

Yeah, argh. Also, listened to the Wild Talk episode, that was really cool :D
Jade is Awesomemiserychick2602 on November 19th, 2010 11:00 am (UTC)
Well, what about a sort of try before you buy thing? Try lots of different 'religions' and then take the best things from them and make your own.
Jordy: YES!endless_run on November 20th, 2010 03:42 am (UTC)
Haha, I made it sound that way, but it's really not a religion issue. More like me saying "Why the fuck have I not seen someone get bitten by a radioactive spider yet?"